


Unrequited

by smoresies



Series: Flowercrown [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Multi, Putting Others Before Yourself, TOBI IS A GOOD BOY, Unrequited Love, flower symbology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 03:19:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13825368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoresies/pseuds/smoresies
Summary: For as long as he could remember, he was called a good boy.If only that meant that he could have happiness too.





	Unrequited

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for this, I've been in a weird mood, super sad for no real reason. I decided to write this to try to get my feelings out. I think it worked? I'm going to try to write my other stories now. Hopefully my bad mood won't carry over. I wasn't even sure I was going to post this but I thought, why not?

"Tobi, you're such a good boy."

I've heard that all too often. Whether it be said by my own name, Obito, or my pseudonym, Tobi. I was always spoken of as a good boy.

I can remember as far back as helping elder Yamanaka with his flower shop one day when I was 12 years old. Something I often did back then was help whomever was around that needed it. I could remember the day as clearly as the moment the memory was made. I can feel the dirt beneath my feet, walking into the flower shop, helping with the delivery. In exchange for my help, I was given something.

A daffodil.

Since I was given it so many years ago, I walk through that memory as if it were a hallway in my mind. Each time examining different aspects of it but it always results in the same thing and that's the moment I was handed the daffodil, I was predestined to fail.

I hadn't known it at the time, so I took it gratefully, I tucked it behind the clasp of my goggles and I mustered up the best grin I could at the time.

"You're a good boy, Tobi." Ironic, did he know that's what I would become? At the time I brushed it off as just senility. With a nod and a thumbs up I left the flower shop and ran off to meet my teammates for training that I was already 27 minutes late for.

The smell in the air from that day still permeates the air around me if I think about it hard enough. I could mostly smell the sweet smell of sakura blossoms, laced with the pungent aroma of the ramen shop. Those two smells stick out the most. And I still can't eat ramen anymore.

Rin was waiting for me with her sweet smile. Her pulchritude physical appearance never diminished by the sweet, dulcet tones that fell from her lips. Her smile was warm and inviting. The way the corners of her eyes crinkled when she smiled at me as I approached was enough to falter my steps and I couldn't help but grin back, the flower in my hair bent, now tickling my forehead.

"Sorry I'm late..." It was the same dance as it always was. As it always had been. Kakashi yelled at me, Minato smiled and everything was normal in that time.

As training went on, the flower wilted further and further. I had planned on giving it to Rin, but by the time I remembered, the efflorescence of it diminished and I couldn't insult her by giving her an imperfect flower.

The taste of sweat burned my cracked lips by the time training was done and Kakashi and Minato had left me and Rin to our own devices. My heart soared in my chest. The feeling of closeness to Rin was palpable and I couldn't find it in my body to cease trembling. At the time I brushed it off to the aftershocks of such vigorous training.

Rin stared at me with her large brown eyes, the color might've seemed dull to others, but that was because they wouldn't be able to see the sheer emotion behind the windows of such a beautiful soul. Her expression this time seemed different. I was all too quick to attempt to cater to her aid. I needed her to be okay, and her expression pointed at anything but. I could tell she was attempting to mask it, but nothing could escape my notice from the look in her eyes. I could always tell.

"What's wrong?" Just thinking of the second I asked the question could make my present self, thrum with such a distinct feeling of rejection I couldn't help but wince at the memory. I should've listened to her when she said it was nothing, but she was everything I had. She was my reason for everything I did and if she couldn't bring herself to smile, I knew it was something that I needed to help with as soon as I could. It seemed like it took forever for her to talk, but she finally did.

"Do you think Kakashi likes me?" The question confused me at the time. Of course, who wouldn't like Rin? She was the kindest person I had ever known. She must've sensed my confusion, considering a beat later she specified. "I mean as more than a friend." Why would she want to know that? What would that do for her?

When I looked at her, I could tell why she asked. Her cheeks were flushed, and those eyes... I knew the look in them because I had that look when I thought of her. A jolting feeling of jealousy and pain perforated my heart and resonated through my body. For a second, my heart hurt so badly, I forgot to breathe. I clenched my fists, hard enough to dig my nails into my flesh, trying to concentrate on anything other than the ache that seemed to get worse as each step passed. I remember feeling the uneven way my shoes conformed to the rocky path beneath us. It was the one thing I tried to focus on so I wouldn't crack my resolve.

"If he doesn't, he's a moron." I said honestly. "You're a great person, you are sweet, kind, cute too!" I flattered her, I wanted her to know what she meant to me even if she thought I was doing it to placate her. It seemed to work, her expression lit up a fraction and there was a rosy color on her cheeks. Even if I didn't completely win, I counted a point in my field for getting her cheeks to color with emotion. She smiled at me shyly.

"Stop, you're making me blush." She said with a soft giggle. I soaked it up, the way she looked at me when she said that. I knew in my aching heart at that moment she didn't feel for me as I did for her, but briefly it was as if my heart was medicated enough to trudge through the rejection she didn't know I was feeling. "I'm not that great."

"You're better." I responded seriously, without hesitation. "Anyone who has your affections, is lucky." No matter how jealous I was, she deserved that much. She deserved the truth, to know how perfect she was. I tried to convince her with words how much she meant to me without outright saying that she was the holder of my affections. So I wimped out and told her in different ways how perfect she was until I couldn't tell there was a single ounce of self-doubt in her.

"I'm going to talk to Kakashi, thank you Obito." She said sweetly. "You're a good guy."

I smiled wryly and watched her run off in whatever direction she knew Kakashi to be located in.

I don't think I moved much that night. I took a few steps towards the trees, in order to get out of the way of people who needed to get by. I sat under a tree and watched the lake the forest bordered. In the position the sun was in, for this time of year, it was 6pm. The multihued sky reflected in the water, the glittering ripples of the waved was almost too much to stare at.

The color of the sky changed from pinks, to purples, to yellows and oranges, until finally all I saw was black.

Despite the only light source for the water to reflect was the moon, this water seemed harder to stare at. The calm wrinkles on the surface of the stilled water seemed more consuming, more frightful. The loneliness consumed me.

It still does.

Except now, it’s a different set of eyes looking back at me, this time, they were steely blue.

If I were to compare the two, I'd use natural occurrences. Rin was a light pillar. She was always known to be a beacon of positivity. Anyone would be able to find her in the dark with how brightly her personality shone.

Deidara was an earthquake light. Beautiful, but almost an omen of destruction.

How it had been the two of them that managed to capture my attention with their polar opposite behavior I didn't know.

Deidara hated me. At least, that's what he said, and honestly I tried to get him to. I would rile him up just to watch him go. He was finicky, he'd snap at the smallest things I said and honestly, I loved it. For a while it wasn't even about the adoration I had for his enthusiasm. It was just my gnawing loneliness attempting to garner attention wherever I could find it. I lavished in the negative attention Deidara gave me, if only for the fact that it was the only attention I had.

After a while, that got old. After a while, I realized that the feelings I was able to bring to the surface weren't as transparent as I thought they were.

Hiding behind a mask was simple. Deidara couldn't see my face. He didn't know what my eyes looked like, he didn't know how the entire right side of my body was scarred. He didn't care about any of it. He hated me and he hated my orange mask. If I showed him the truth behind my face, he would hate my eye too.

"But Tobi is a good boy!" I would yell at Deidara after he threatened to blow me up. I knew he would try to. Deidara's temper was quite short and explosive. It made sense with how he fought.

Deidara had a technique that could destroy entire villages, just blow them up to the point of unrecognition, and just left a gaping mar in the crust of the earth. Then he would just grin and brag about it being art.

I hadn't found his technique a very artistic one. I had a problem finding beauty in things not meant to last. I wanted things to last. Deidara was an artist though, and his art was fleeting. I accepted it for what it was, but the only thing I found beautiful about his art was the way his face lit up. It didn't matter if it was just him talking about it or if he was actually doing it. It was all the same. Sometimes I would mention his art, just enough to have him delve into a monologue about it just to see the way his face brightened.

I was an adult this time when I fell in love with Deidara. It was a different love than I had as a child with Rin. But Deidara wasn't much of an adult yet. He was only 19, he was brash, irrational, egotistical and indecisive. I knew all of this before I fell, however, it didn't change anything, I still fell and I fell hard.

Once I realized I fell in love for the second time in my life, my body felt so exhausted that I didn't have to try hard at all to act like the persona, Tobi. Behind the mask I was Obito, and Obito was tired of all the effort I had to put in. Obito was grated down to the very husk of my inner shell. None of that was able to shine through as Tobi. Tobi was supposed to be funny, obnoxious, annoying, fearful. Deidara had never seen me fight, he probably didn't think I could. I'd like to keep it that way as long as possible. To Deidara, I was incompetent. I didn't mind. At least he had an opinion of me.

Deidara was my partner so we were together all the time. Keeping up a façade as ridiculous as Tobi began to wear on my psyche. One night, though, I managed to let it go.

"Please! Please, Deidara-senpai, can we just go this once oh please~!" Pressing my hands together to beg, even dropping to my knees was enough to irritate Deidara. He shoved me to the ground and the warmth of his hand on my clothed shoulder sent a brief warmth through my arm.

I could tell though, something was bothering him. Which is why I wanted to be extra annoying. I hoped it would make him feel better by getting his frustrations out on me. Much to my surprise, after he shoved me he agreed with me. We would be stopping. I hadn't planned on Deidara actually agreeing with me into going into a village to crash a festival. Something must really be wrong with him.

Before we entered the village, Deidara instructed me to take off my Akatsuki cloak and hide it so we wouldn't be noticed. If we were going to crash a village festival, it was better to not be caught in known criminal robes. I didn't mind. Deidara had a different appeal when he wasn't wearing his robe. With just his pants and shirt, it was much easier to see his lithe body underneath. His hair wasn't contained in his robe so I saw how long it was, curling up right below the small of his back.

When Deidara hid the robes, he made a satisfied hum and looked over to me and frowned. I tilted my head to the side, as he couldn't very well see my expression.

"What is it, Deidara-senpai?"

"Your mask. You think it's wise to wear it in a civilian village, hm?" I made an attempt at clutching my mask in mock surprise.

"Oh! Deidara-senpai I didn't think you wanted to know me so intimately~!" That seemed enough to distract him. He scowled at me and I could almost taste his murder intent.

"You're disgusting." He spat childishly and crossed his arms, but his cheeks were slightly colored now. The sight brought a forgotten feeling of fondness to my otherwise numbed heart. My arms felt fuzzy, like they were being numbed by a weight. Feeling the emotion again so strongly was hard enough to bring moisture to my eyes. I had been void of emotion for so long that in this single instance, where Deidara was in front of me with a blush on his otherwise flawless toned skin, made it hard for me to breathe.

"Don't insult Tobi, Deidara-senpai!" I cried loudly after a beat or two of silence that would've been suspicious had it been anyone but Deidara who I was with.

"Just shut up and let's go." Deidara scoffed and spun on his heels. For a moment I let myself watch the way he walked without his cloak and couldn't help the smile on my face.

Deidara was angry at me not too soon after entering the village for helping an old man. He didn't outwardly say anything, not wanting to cause a scene, but I could feel the heat from his glare. I suppose I couldn't help it. Stopping to offer assistance to people in need was just something I had been accustomed to doing. I couldn't stop if I tried. No matter how further my emotions were dulled and treated as if they were nothing, that part of me would always be there.

"You're a good man." The elder complimented and smiled at me. I waved at him.

"Tobi is a good boy." I responded out of habit and saluted, walking towards my angry partner. Deidara didn't say anything to me, he allowed me to stand next to him, then stalked away, I followed behind shortly after.

When we entered the archway that led to the festival grounds, we were stopped by two women who held baskets with an assortment of flowers. Everyone was given one as they came in as a thank you for attending.

"May I pick his flower?" I asked curiously and the women stared up at me, Deidara simply glared. One of the women held out the basket and my eye scanned them until I found one that meant the most to me. The flower was yellow with red tips. I knew all flower meanings. This one was significant. It symbolized friendship and falling in love. Deidara didn't know that, he couldn't have. I offered him the rose and he stared at it awkwardly. I knew the women who were offering the flowers knew the meaning and to absolve any doubt, I had to announce the false intentions. "It's yellow like your hair and red like when your face gets angry!" Deidara glared and pouted at me, I knew if we were anywhere else he wouldn't have second doubts on ripping into me.

"Would you like to pick his flower?" The woman offered and Deidara seemed taken back but reached in the basket without much thought and handed me the firsts flower he grabbed.

My mouth went dry and my hand shakily reached up to grab it. I was thankful my gloves were on, as my hands were sticky with sweat. My hand clasped around the stem of the flower and Deidara was still pouting at me and in that second I knew I was doomed to repeat the same thing with Deidara as I did with Rin.

"Thank you, senpai." I said, quieter than intended, tucking the daffodil into the strap of my mask behind my ear.

I followed Deidara into the festival and for a while everything didn't process in my mind as quickly as it needed to. My body was pulsing with an ache I hadn't felt for so long, I wasn't even sure how to move past the fog. For a while I just set my sights on Deidara, I watched his hair sway in time with the movement of his walking. It was enough to entrance me to keep walking, one step after the next and I took in a gulp of air and steadied my nerves. I'm supposed to be dead inside and he was stirring up emotions I forgot I felt with a rejection so prominent I felt like the air was so thin and I just couldn't gulp down enough of it.

Time seemed to slow down as I watched Deidara stare curiously at all of the artistic components of every aspect of the festival. He himself thought of art as fleeting, however I knew he was able to appreciate the beauty of things everyone else assumed art was.

Eventually we found ourselves in a bar and Deidara seemed all too quick to get the sake going.

I sat across from him and he gave both of us a shot, but when he wasn't looking, I poured mine next to me in a potted plant. I couldn't drink alcohol, it wouldn't do anything to me anyway.

I was right when I said something was wrong with Deidara, as I always am. 

As time went on, Deidara drank more and more. He seemed to not notice each time he filled up my cup, it went abandoned. After awhile he just drank it without sharing. That was probably for the best, as I didn't drink anyway. 

I watched Deidara fall into his emotions in that moment. His cheeks were red with the warmth of the alcohol and his eyes were much more hooded than they normally were. There was an expression on his face that oozed misery. 

"Are you feeling well, Deidara-senpai?" My voice was quieter than I had normally used, I didn't think it would be a problem, as Deidara likely wouldn't remember my tone specifically in this moment. 

"...No." He slurred and his lower lip jutted out like a sad, petulant child. He rubbed his face aggressively. Much more aggressive than I would have been with his face. My eyebrows pushed together in frustration and my lips pressed together tightly. I wanted to reach across the table and hold onto him. I probably would get away with it, as Tobi. However, I wasn't sure if I would be able to let go of him if I had so I stayed stationary. 

"Talk to me, senpai." I said just above a whisper. The raucous laughter from the fellow bar patrons fell on deaf ears. I was captivated by Deidara's posture, his hair, his eyes, his face. I was just mesmerized. 

"It wasn't supposed to happen, hm." He mumbled to himself and shook his head, He pushed his bangs out of his face and his genjutsu gadget was on full display. I wished I could see his other eye. Eyes were always windows to the soul, as Rin's had been. Deidara was harder to read, but I prided myself on chipping away at that barrier and being able to regardless. "I'm an S-ranked criminal, hm." He usually didn't end all of his sentences with his tick, the alcohol seemed to affect him more than I realized it would. "Fuckin' feelings, hm." He said with a hint of aggression. He tensed up completely and I wondered if the flush on his face was because he was drunk, or if it was from sheer anger alone.

"What feelings, senpai?" I prompted. For whatever reason this set my insides ablaze. Every cell in my body felt heavy with fatigue. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. With trembling hands, I let my gloved hand make a small nudge on Deidara's arm, trying to get him to go on.

"Hm. It's disgusting to even think about." He said with distaste. "Thinking I'm weak enough to-to lower myself, me, hm, me! I-I don't... Affection? Who? I'm-I'm a damn S-ranked criminal, hm, what? I can't feel things like this." His fingers were digging into the soft fleshy wood beneath us. I saw the wood curl into his trimmed fingernails and wondered how he could even dig his short nails into the wood to begin with. I tried to think of anything but the way he looked in that moment. His talks of admission of... love? Was Deidara in love? Is that what this was? My hands were shaking at this point. I removed them from the table to squeeze them between my thighs, trying to hide the visible vibrations of nerves my body was displaying for everyone in the bar to see. 

"Love?" I whispered, Deidara scowled, but his face answered it for me. Deidara was in love.

I bit my tongue, my mouth was dry again, having a mouth full of cotton would've likely had more moisture. I didn't know how to respond to that. How... Could he feel for me? Could people hear my heart beating as I could? Was I the only one who heard the thrumming beat? Impossible.

"Who?" I asked, my lips moving despite me wanting them to. I suppose I wanted to know the answer deep down. Who else could it have been other than me? Was that selfish to think? Was I being self absorbed? No. Deidara hated me. He said he did. But who else was he around? We were always together. When had he had the time to... go and fall in love?

I don't think it mattered what the answer was. Either way, I wasn't prepared to hear it. 

"Fucking... Hm..." He took in a deep breath and slumped uselessly on his seat bench. I could grab him. I could lean over, I could touch him. I could comfort him and tell him it was okay. I wish he wasn't drunk, I would've prefered to hear his sober voice, but I couldn't deny that his drunk voice had the same lilt I loved to listen to. The accented voice so different than those from the leaf. Deidara's accent was something only people from Iwa had and I had to admit, I used to hate it but each time he spoke, I felt myself finding more and more to love about it. "Hidan."

For a moment I just stared at him, he stared back. My fingers were numb. I felt as the numbness travelled up my arms and suddenly my chest was so heavy with emotion, I felt winded. I never had the time to workout today, although I felt like I had. 

With an elevated heart rate, I nodded slowly, the ache felt more and more discernable each time my chin tilted down. 

"Okay." The word just fell out. I didn't mean to say it. Deidara looked at me miserably and suddenly I couldn't hold my heartbreak over his. He was clearly in a very specific type of pain and I didn't want him to hurt anymore. I couldn't let him hurt anymore. "So you talked to him about it?"

"No!" He snapped. "Why the hell, hm??" I waited a second before answering because I wasn't sure if he meant to leave the question off like that.

"To see if he likes you too, silly-senpai." I teased, without any gusto as I normally had. 

"Of course he doesn't, hm! It's Hidan!" Deidara bit back and I tried to calm my nerves.

"Who wouldn't like you senpai?" I asked and he stared at me in all of his drunken confusion. His lips curved out and the moisture from his saliva made them color in a way that it was nearly impossible to prevent myself from leaning in and kissing him. It wouldn't have been a good idea. He already admitted he cared for someone else so why couldn't I stop the lecherous thoughts from gnawing at my mind? "You're perfect."

"Tch. You're just saying that, hm." The way he said it, with such conviction, it made me tilt my head. He had to have realized that if there was one thing about Tobi, it was his very clear admiration for the bombing artist.

"No I'm not. You're perfect, senpai. The way you care so much about your art. The way you get happy when you talk about it. Your pretty hair, your eyes, your smile. You're perfect, senpai. Hidan would be lucky to have you. And if he doesn't want you, he's stupid." I said in the best Tobi voice I could muster at the time. 

"You don't have to flatter me, Tobi. I know we don't like each other, hm."

"I like you very much, senpai. I have told you as much." Deidara looked at me, his cheeks still rosy and his eyes were glassy. I felt more drunk than he did at the moment, I was sure of it. "You should talk to Hidan. Perhaps he feels the same way? Then you two could be happy together and you can smile again."

"I doubt that will happen, I heavily doubt it, hm." His tick was lessening, I wondered if that meant the initial buzz of the alcohol was wavering. 

"You don't know if you don't try, senpai. You are a great catch, even Hidan has to see that, I think." Deidara smiled slightly and it was a sight to behold. 

"Maybe." He mumbled and scratched his cheek. "Let's get out of here, Tobi." I nodded numbly and when I stood up, I felt the weight of the daffodil shift in my hair and closed my eye, breathing slowly. Did Deidara know what it stood for? Did he know that daffodils represented unrequited love? Had he known the whole time?

"Where are we going?" I asked and he chuckled and shook his head.

"Probably the liquid courage, but you're right, hm. Gotta talk to Hidan." He said with a grin. If Deidara wasn't drunk, perhaps he wouldn't be looking at me like that, but he was drunk and he wanted to talk to Hidan. Maybe he'd change his mind as we walked but I would be there for him either way. That's what I do, I help people when they need it. Even if I shoot myself in the foot to do it. 

We walked out of the village for a while and I could feel myself dissociating with my body each step of the way. I longed for the numbness to creep over and forget these feelings even existed.

"Hey, Tobi, hm?" Deidara said and I turned to face him, he smiled at me. "Could be all the liquor, but, you are a good guy." He said and gave a drunken laugh that he would deny once he was sober. I nodded numbly.

"I told you before, Deidara-senpai." I said, my heart nearly choking me with how fast it was pounding. I licked my dried lips, it only made it worse. I felt my throat constrict and the last words were hard to get out, but I said them anyway, as I slid the daffodil out from my hair and slid my glove off to touch the soft feel of the pedals. 

"Tobi is a good boy."


End file.
